i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
