Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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