it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
