My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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