That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
