I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
