Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
