im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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