Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
