Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
