Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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