You can't motorboat a personality
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
