I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
