hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
