No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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