singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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