you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
