i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
