Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
