Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
