how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
