I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
