I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
