Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
