I could have mohawked her pubes.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
