That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
