I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
