Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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