Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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