i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
