Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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