I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
