i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
