I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
