You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize