my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We had to coat check the pizza.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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