i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
