What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
