The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
there is glitter all over my balls
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
