I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
