Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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