I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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