The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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