Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
