I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
