Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
