Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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