you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
