the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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