Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Randomize
