is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
